escaperunway

6.29am thoughts, or thoughts that have been ringing through my head all these while but there is no rationale for me to voice it out. I mean what i'm processing is not exactly right nor is it wrong but i just feel so trapped under this stupid cage i am in and i desperately want to get out

and ugh

i can't get my thoughts together.

Things that feel wrong to me may be perfectly fine with other people or the party, but every time this kind of shit happens i just can't help feeling this way and its so damn fucking hard to push everything down back in. To control myself and tell myself i shouldn't feel this way but god damn it, I'm already feeling this way.

I dont know, its not that i don't possess trust or whatsoever, but i just feel insecure 65% of the time and I'm like aching deep within and i can't tell it to anyone because it doesn't make sense to other people.

But really, it has just happened time and time again and i don't know. I'm so sick of feeling this way, and i try so hard to dig for this security that is just so volatile.

//
& I dont even know
what you want from me,
from all the push and pulling games
which time and again we have failed to play.

So instead of going back all the way to 2015 and continuing where i left off a year ago, i think it'd be better if summarised my entire uni life instead hue hue.

So i think i started off uni life with SH camp, and made a few friends there (that didnt last haha bc toby & i left the camp on day 1. We decided it wasn't the right hall for us and that's that :))

This was the q pathetic lunch i cooked for toby on our 1st year anniversary (omg a few more days to our 2nd hahaha how time fliesssss)

Happy family hehehehe at hai di lao for mum's bday omg look at my dad's tummy hahaha.

Wheeler's yard with Shitler aka sh camp group LOL

food hunt w tobes:

$2 goodness

Curry wanton! mee!

His fav bkt hahahah

Pls support my cuz's happy rollies!!!

Had BES camp and i dont remember having a whirl of a time ..... so it was pretty much a waste of my time. haha but ofc still glad I'm in this course :>

Ex-fav drink from canteens of all time because pretty & bc apple yakult was life. Now my new bae is apple orange haha and NEVER order passionfruit unless u wanna like legit wake up or smth its fricking ass sour. i can still taste it in my mouth

HK with tobes: didnt take much photos idk why, and for some reason i am damn black one year ago?!

Pork chop burger yumz

eeyer gross

really lost count how many times I've been to hk.....

Q a shock when we realised the bill was $80 omg LOL and we spent $200 @ the disney store hahahaha. worst part is we didnt have enough cash and we PAID VIA VISA LOL like ..... HAHAHAH

Dreamworks exhibition because toby goes cray about these kind of things.. while obviously i breezed through everything and had fun sitting down.

Moved into TH and it was pretty much a good decision even though i hardly got to see my parents, but at least i got to sleep in and sleep during lecture timings and sleep even more. Also explains why i dont even have a cap 4.

Working @ llao was pretty tiring cuz bad at making friends and idk man i can't cut a mango for nuts sake. But still, it was a good experience!!! and now i know how to swirl a yoghurt :)

q happy that recently all our family outings go by the number of 6 instead of old lame boring 4 haha. and i can't wait! to have my own room!!!

Will always be a vain bitch no matter what its in my destiny

Loved my wall's decor and I'm probably gonna stick to it HAHA.

JUST SAYING GUYS, I HAVENT TOUCHED THE WHEEL ever since this photo cause my dad doesn't trust me anymore and also cause I'm scared. Almost got hit down by a taxi because i geh kiang and also almost crashed into my condo's barrier LOL i stepped on accelerate instead of break oops. Don't know get 8 points for what I'm still under the prejudice that girls suck at driving, and it totally applies to me because i do.

Ice edge crewwwwwww :)

31 united hehehehehehe vv proud of our 31 pride too :)

Temasek hall was also a lot of bruises and also a lot of dance because thats what i fricking dedicated myself to hahaha sigh

With alvina bae

Miss them

First TH performance w them hehe

No matter how happy i look in these photos, the fact still remains that school sucks and i hated it quite a bit mainly due to project, mid terms, exam stress. ZZZ i can remember crying and complaining about it almost every time i had to deal with insane exams and deadlines and commitments.

And i can't forget how i got an F for this env blog i was doing, which plummeted my grade to a D and i was so fricking afraid for finals because i didnt wanna retake it. Don't know where i went wrong but i probably sounded too casual and treated it like an actual blog. or maybe i just plagiarised and got a straight F but thank god for grade free semesters

Still my best bae because I'm thankful for all the random meet ups we had in school, and for telling each other our problems blabla, and most importantly, the both of us are still dancing!!!

One of the retarded field trips

One of the retarded projects ...

Celebrating leang's birthday and a v failed sleepover @ my house.

Thanks friends :) also for cutting me into 4 hahahahaha.

Got giddy while trekking with people ~3 times older than me hahaha cry

Still love kikki k's planner no matter what

Thanks friends for the celebrations even though i suck at being a friend

With Sundae @ 40 hands (ok honestly... why kind of name is that) ... omg so angry looking at this photo because it just reminds me of how fricking cheapskate my boss at IE is????? the truffle fries portion he gives is like 1/10 of this please dont order it @ IE ergh

HK AGAIN ERGH

Finally trekked in hk thanks to ashley for planning it :> scenery was super yumz and fried chicken & sweet potato fries was also the best thing in the world after we hiked up the mountain again to cab down. Damn tiring omg hahahaha me and jieyi died. yes jieyi I'm dragging you down in this HAHAHAH.

THANKS KATHY for excellent photography skills. i have also lost all my flexibility skills from not dancing in like ??????? idk 3 weeks maybe but it seems like fucking forever i wish my knee would just recover by itself seriously i need some regenerative abilities like barry allen/jacob/edward cullen

@ Little Bao: This was actually damn good but also damn pricey like you could finish it in 2 bites, and they charge you 10 bucks ... idk man haha.

Quote reena: who would have thought we'd go hong kong together

But ogod i miss all the food we'd randomly buy on impulse ): hahahah

More pictures w nana because jieyi shopping @ expensive shops HAHA

Because i can't imagine why would anyone buy this ^ shit

This was actually for new year, but it didnt happen and i still haven't worn it LOL i forgot about its existence totally

Dancing with them was hilarious like seriously LOL AND XIYU FASTER COME BACK plox

IE xmas party xoxo

For the record, toby and i suck at buffets

Help i can't find my body

Dad's birthday on 1/1

Primary ?! school ?! class outing hahahaha idk why but (almost) all the boys grew horizontally

First & last successful kimchi army stew i made for tobes

Best trio

V grateful for the one in the middle who entertain my last minute dinner invitations

Sem 2 also meant that the 3 of us spent most of our time outside instead of inside school. Idk how many times we left school to eat outside food cuz we were sick of canteen food, and how many times we skipped lectures with or without webcast also for food because those 2 can't be bothered. Most of the times we r either eating salad or korean, and that pretty much sums up my school life. Just know that they were defo not spent on studying